Hartford Divorce Law Blog

Have you read the stories about celebrity couples going on vacation together after they get divorced? Maybe you think it sounds like an excellent idea. You and your ex had always talked about taking the kids to Europe for a few months over the summer. Why not do it together? Then you don't have to fight over custody time, you both get to stay involved, and you can make some great memories that the children will cherish.

That is possible, and some couples have found success with this idea. However, there are also some downsides that you need to consider.

When you think of children being abducted, odds are that you think of news reports about strangers luring them into vehicles and kidnapping them. While this certainly does happen, do not assume that's the only way it occurs. A lot of abductions are actually carried out by family members, specifically the parents of children after a divorce.

For instance, maybe your ex wanted full custody of the kids, hoping you would never see them again. Your ex has family overseas. When you got joint custody, the first thing you worried about was that your ex would load the kids onto a plane, fly to another country and never come back. Would they really do that just to spite you? What can you do to prevent it?

In an ideal world, child custody should never be a battle at all. It should be two people working together to figure out how they can both stay involved with their children and share the responsibility of raising them.

Of course, this is not an ideal world, and things do not always go that smoothly. If you think your situation could get complicated, here are some tips to help you work through it:

• Think honestly about what you can really do. For instance, do you really want to fight for sole custody if you have a job and many other obligations, making it easier for you to share custody?
• Always respect your ex. You don't have to be in love, but you need to be civil. Focus on working with one another, not working against one another.
• Stay involved with the kids. Work toward building up strong relationships. Go to their events at school or their sporting events. Put time and energy into being the best parent you can be whenever you're with them.
• Craft a real custody plan that addresses significant questions. Where will the children sleep? When will you do the exchange? How can you make everything easy for them? How are you going to divide the costs?
• Accept advice. Talk to people who have been through this. While every situation is unique, you can learn from their experiences and make better choices as a result.

Your spouse has to pay you alimony after the divorce. You assumed that meant monthly payments. It can, but your spouse is asking to pay you a lump sum instead and be done with it.

Is that a good idea? Should you take all of the money up front or ask for it to be spread out? While all situations are unique, here are a few reasons why the lump sum may be to your advantage:

• If you find your own financial success after divorce, you already have the alimony money. For instance, if you land a high-paying job a year into a five-year monthly alimony plan, your spouse may ask to cancel those payments since you don't need support. If you took the lump sum, you don't have to worry about it.
• The opposite is also true. If your spouse loses their job or runs into other financial difficulties, they could ask to stop making monthly payments or at least reduce the amount. With the lump sum, you have the money in hand and it doesn't matter what your spouse's financial future looks like.
• If you are at all worried that your spouse is going to violate the court order and refuse to pay on a monthly basis, taking the lump sum eliminates that complication. It allows you and your ex to cleanly cut ties with one another and move on with your lives.